Naked Babies!!

•November 2, 2010 • 2 Comments

Ok not really.
I was totally going to blog about my day and my frustration with house purchases, but then one of my good friends sent me this link and now I feel compelled to blog about this:

1st off, on behalf of MSNBC I would like to apologize to everyone for the 16-year-old-cheerleader big bubbly font they posted that in.  I kept wanting to flip my hair and say “Like, Whatever!!!” as I read that.

For starters…this has been an ongoing issue over the last few decades.  Our parents (if you’re my age or older) had naked pics of us out the wazoo and never once were they suspected of doing anything wrong.  As a photographer, I hate that #1 there is such a stigma attached to naked baby/kid photos and #2 that some people are idiots and can’t tell the difference between an appropriate photograph and one that crosses that line, even if that line has changed some in recent years.  As a former photolab manager, I also know that there are limits to what you can be prosecuted for, and that line is not something I would ever consider crossing when photographing my children or anyone else’s.

I guess for starters, I think it should go without saying that your child’s junk (be it girl junk or boy junk) should NOT be in photographs.  While I totally get that photographing your naked child’s cute bum may result in other parts slipping into a photo here or there.  Guess what…this is the digital age…if you’ve got nutter butters in your photo…delete it!  Your little girls girl parts have no business in a family photo album and likewise little boys boy parts.  If they don’t belong in a family photo album, they sure as shit don’t belong on the internet.  So to that end, keep the photos appropriate and keep your ass out of jail.  Quite simple.

Issue #1 is that the internet is not monitored the way that mom’s of cute babies would like it to be and that’s a simple fact.  If you have a blog, if you have a website, if you have a facebook/myspace/flickr not locked down to private-yes pedophiles could be looking at your photos…so could serial killers, stalkers, rapists, identity thefts, want me to keep going?  The internet is a blessing and a curse.  You can share your family stories and photographs with your family and friends, and you can also share it with people you don’t want to.  You have to be the judge of what you feel is an acceptable level of control of privacy on your sites, your photographs, and the content you place on your sites.

What this article has failed to point out is the fact that a vast majority of pedophiles can get off just by touching a child’s toy or clothing.  A photograph of your child in a baseball cap and t-shirt can be just as big a turn on to them as a photograph of your child in a diaper.

As for photographs of your child breezing through your back yard naked, well I don’t let my kids outside naked, or near windows naked, or hell…even let them walk around the house naked!  Naked is for birth, baths, and boinking (sorry, that’s such a lame term but I was trying to stick with all B words).  That’s it.  It’s not the 50’s, even though some of us wish it was.

Now to me, it’s creepy to have a pic of a kid naked in a cop hat.
The artist in me says we cover up because we conform and it’s bullshit and we should be more free.
The Christian in me says that we cover up because we are stupid and made ourselves believe it is shameful but it’s not…yet we can’t overcome that.
The mother in me says that I cover my children to protect them and to teach them what society says is appropriate.
The wife in me says I don’t want anyone looking at my husband’s junk but me, even if its a childhood pic.

As someone who’s had her photographs stalked, copied, and used by other persons (sometimes the same person repeatedly), there is only one thing I can suggest.  Don’t put it publicly online if you don’t want your worst enemy or worst nightmare of a human being seeing, copying, and using it.

The cops pepper the media with the information they want to, the information that they think the main stream Sally Dick or Joe can handle.  That information gets filtered through the media in the way they want to present it to us to drive their ratings.  The fact is that unless you work with pedophiles you don’t know what makes them tick.  If pedophiles are the reason the internet and photos scare you, then keep your babies off public sites.

I can’t see myself ever deleting a photograph that I took because I was afraid that someone might find it.  I can’t see myself ever stopping the cute baby butt cheek photos that mom’s love to have me take when I shoot their newborns.  But I don’t post those images online.  Check my business site, my blog, my facebook or flickr and it’s easy to see that I respect my subjects.  Yeah.  I shoot baby buns from time to time.  Yeah I have photos of my little man in the bath, of him wrapped just barely in a towel, of him sitting facing away from me with his wrinkly butt cheeks fully exposed.  I guess I just don’t see the need for a full frontal photograph of a child ever ever ever.  But if you’re a parent who does…then its easy and simple and should go without saying that those images are private and should never touch the world wide web.

And if a pedophile ever drools over one of my photographs, he/she better hope to whatever god they pray to, that I never find out.


More Weight Nonsense

•November 1, 2010 • 1 Comment

While we’re on the subject of weight this week, I have just GOT to get my 2 cents in about this article from Google that a friend of mine shared with me.

Judge: McDonald’s must pay obese employee $17.5K

(AP) – 2 days ago

SAO PAULO (AP) — A Brazilian court ruled this week that McDonald’s must pay a former franchise manager $17,500 because he gained 65 pounds while working there for a dozen years.

The 32-year-old man said he felt forced to sample the food each day to ensure quality standards remained high, because McDonald’s hired “mystery clients” to randomly visit restaurants and report on the food, service and cleanliness.

The man also said the company offered free lunches to employees, adding to his caloric intake while on the job. His identity was not released.

The ruling was signed Tuesday by Judge Joao Ghisleni Filho in Porto Alegre.

Filho said McDonald’s could appeal the case, and the Brazilian headquarters of the chain said in an e-mailed statement Thursday it was weighing its legal options.

McDonald’s also noted that it offers healthier food choices.

“The chain offers a large variety of options and balanced menus to cater (to) the daily dietary needs of its employees,” the company said in the statement.

McDonald’s headquarters is in Oak Brook, Illinois.

WOW.  Just wow!  Let me make sure I’ve got this straight before I REALLY get into it…you ate McDonald’s every day despite the fact that everyone and their mother knows how unhealthy McDonald’s is for you…then used your management status and mystery shopper bullshit as an excuse to eat MORE than just the one meal a day they offer you…and now you’re mad that you’re fat?!?  So you sued them?!?!

Ok to start off, shame on that judge for not smacking that manager around and telling him to take some responsibility for his stupid actions.  And double shame and a crotch kick to the judge for actually giving this lazy fucker money for being a lazy fucker and a snort-snort-piggy-man to boot!

There are so many things about this that urk me I don’t even know where to start.
For one, what ever happened to being responsible for our actions.  No one forced those thousands of cheeseburgers into your mouth!  If I choose to eat shit every day and turn into a giant turd, who’s fault is that really?  The shit machines, or mine?

Mccy D’s offers salads, bet ya he never got those as his free meals!  “But dressing is so fattening” so eat it without if you’re that worried about your weight.  Personally, that thought makes me gag, but hey!  Some people do it!  And just because they OFFER a free meal doesn’t mean that you have to take it!

The gross average annual income in Brazil (according to is $2,842.36.  Currently there is 1 Brazilian Real (Brazilian dollar) to 0.5865 USD.  While the article failed to mention if the man was paid out in USD or Brazilian Real, the man walked away from this with between $17,500 and $29,838…which is a substantial amount (between 6 and 10 years annual income which in the US would translate to a settlement of between $198,421 and some change and $330,703).  Now I don’t know about you, but I would SO put on 65 lbs to get that kind of money!!!

What I want to know is, this weight gain occurred over the course of 12 years as manager…did at no point, he stop and think to himself…wow I’m chunkin up!  Maybe I should lay off the Big Mac’s and Apple Pies!!  (Though…I can understand the pie temptation!!  Mmmmmm apple pie!)
I speak from experience when I say that it is physically impossible to gain 65 lbs and continue wearing the same size clothing…at some point in your  ballooning up, there is always a moment of “holy hell!  I can’t believe I had to buy that size pants!”  What’s my point?…if you’re chunking up and ignoring the fact that it’s happening…yeah not Mccy D’s fault.

The potential backlash that this could cause also frustrates me.  #1 all this is going to do is add fuel to the fire of our law suit happy generations.  Never in history have people taken so little responsibility for their actions or been so quick to blame other’s for things…and then to try to get monetary compensation for things that really…don’t deserve it.
#2 and this is what bugs me most, is that I know families who are so poor that at times, that free meal during her shift may be the ONLY meal that the mom gets that day.  Feeding children comes 1st and sometimes that means adults to hungry but at least they know at work they can get something to eat.  The thought that this guy’s frivolous  law suit could end that free meal deal and make good people go hungry infuriates me.

Then there is the entire fact that this guy blames “quality checking” the food for him getting fat!  Taking AAAAAAAAA nibble off AAAAAAAAA fry once a day is not going to pack on 65 pounderoos!

As a matter of fact…I think that McDonald’s should counter sue him for theft, because he was obviously stealing their food under the guise of “sampling for quality control”!!
There has to be some sort of equation for this type of stupidity.

A + B/fat x (french fry to the 3rd power of filet o fish) x 12 years x 365 days / previous weight over height = you’re too stupid to put the fry down and now you’re a giant fatty and want to blame someone else.

Do I blame Doritos & Beer for my fat ass?  Well…sometimes.  But I’ve never tried to sue them!  I control my mouth.  Same thing goes for this guy.  I like to think I have acquired an ability to better regulate what I stick in my mouth *gigglesnort* and choose more wisely…apparently this guy just wants something for free.

MCDONALDS…Here is what you should do:

*When you hire a manager (or any employee for that matter), they must sign a waiver that states they understand that eating your food a decision made by themselves with no force from other employees or the company as a whole.

*Automatically give managers a $500/year bonus that can be used for either:
                                  1. A combo gym/weight watchers membership annually
                             or  2. A new wardrobe to fit their ever spreading ass annually

*Take this d-bag who wants something for nothing, counter file because you have bookoo lawyers and money and make an example out of him so that the children of future generations will know it is not freakin acceptable to shove 4000 calories a day into your gut and then blame the food for the results that follow.  It’s about time corporate America stops taking one in the ass by settling suits they could win because they don’t want the bad publicity.  Stand up for WHAT IS RIGHT…make this guy take responsibility for his own actions and teach the whole world that enough is enough with the finger pointing!

The Night Before Hal’ween

•October 30, 2010 • 2 Comments

I’ve been a Halloween Grump the last 2 years…08 I was pregnant and not doing well with it, and 09 I was pregnant and big as a house.  Neither year did I feel much like dressing up, having parties, walking around town in the cold, or being festive.  This year I have been having a great time with Halloween…so in honor of my new found fun in this holiday…

(Please note…I’m tired, I had a MASSIVE asthma attack while driving today that required me to pull over and call for help with my baby in the car with me…terrifying…so screw punctuation and capitals…judge away but I’m not putting that much effort into this!)

Twas the night before Hal’ween and in the dark house
our big fat ass cat was up chasing a mouse.

The candy was out in a bowl by the stair
and I had just bought colored spray for our hair

The husband was curled up all cozy in bed
while the ex was up flying her broom over head  (giggle-snort)

I was up writing for my awesome blog
and my Moose Man was jumping around like a frog  (he does that sometimes)

It was cold in the house, but thanks to my Flinky
I was enjoying warm apple pie drinky

The moon was so full  and the night sky so bright
Twas hard to imagine it was time for a fright

The baby was sleeping now so was the pup
As the night fell completely t’was only Me up

I checked all the locks and pulled the last blinds
and went to collecting my Halloween finds

Toys for the baby, bundles of candy
new shirts for the girls and for he who’s so handy

Zombie attire and masks that are scary
and one little lion costume oh so hairy

A cowgirl, a bride, a monster all dirty
and one can-can girl dressed up all flirty

The house was now quiet but soon we would hear
ding dong and giggles like this time each year

Outside the goblins, witches and gouls
plotted and planned how to trick all the fools

Suddenly I heard a big bang on the roof
which certainly wasn’t any reindeer hoof!

A peak out the window but nothing I saw
so with a shrug I decided to draw

Instantly the dog jumped up snarled and bristled
at the very same instant something quietly whistled

I turned on my heel and to my surprise
I found myself staring into bright green eyes

I took a step back and then took another
and before I thought, I exclaimed, “What the mother…?!?”

A gravely voice I heard come from the dark
and when it spoke there was a familiar snark

“Who are you,” I asked, “and what do you want?”
“You know who I am, and of course…M’here to haunt!”

As it walked up to me and into the light
It looked just like me, now THAT was a fright!!

“I’ve come here to show you Halloweens past
so you can have fun and drop all the sass!”

A light pale blue hand reached out and touched mine
and right then I knew that all would be just fine

Flashes of images from my first year till now
Halloween costumes and past parties…oh wow!

In the past I had always had fun Hal’ween day
but lately I hadn’t enjoyed it the same

As I turned to her to ask, why show me all this
In a puff of blue smoke she was gone, but left this…

An old pumpkin candy pale, homemade puppy suit
a Halloween card and a horn that went ‘toot’

Halloween memories to bring back my cheer
I knew this would be my best Halloween year.

YAY!  Aren’t I creative 🙂

If I don’t make it over to say it tomorrow…

Happy Halloween to all my awesome readers & followers 🙂

Best Halloween Photos Ever!

•October 29, 2010 • Leave a Comment

My Moose hates all his Halloween costumes.  He has 3.  Don’t ask.  One is old (purchased on clearance last year), one is new, one is mine from when I was a kid…ok I guess you could have asked since I just explained but whatever.  We had our Halloween party this past weekend and he SCREAMED when I put him in his lion costume…hated it.  I said screw it, put him in jeans and his leather biker jacket-costume voila!

So today I put it on him for pics…same thing.  The old one is too small for him, but the footies are cute, and well…the costume that was mine, resulted in some of my favorite photos EVER.  I had to share these few:

He cracks me up!  Gotta love those monster cheeks!!

Hopping on the Halloween train

•October 29, 2010 • Leave a Comment

OMG on some of the funny posts by Stark.Raving.Mad.Mommy and a few other’s about ridiculous costumes…and I have to get in on this.

Honestly, not the biggest Halloween fan around.  I don’t like October that much…it gets cold, it starts getting dark early, everything starts turning brown…I’m much more of a Spring/Summer girl myself.  But with 4 kids, there’s no escaping the festivities.  So I embrace.

These are some of my favorite ridonkulous costumes this year:

Snookie.  STFU!  Snookie gets her own freakin costume?!?  She’s just some trashy loud mouth bar whore!  I know TONS of those girls…they don’t get their own costumes!  Besides, I can dig through my closet and find bad 80’s dresses, I don’t  need a costume for that!  I would also like to add that every time I see a photo like this, I want to smack that look off her face.  Do you really think it’s cute?!?

Lady freakin gaga?  Sorry not a fan.  Mostly I posted this one because what is up with the burn victim legs?  Maybe I missed something.

Really?  Really????  The Shocker?!?  Yeah…bet he gets a date on Halloween night…NOT!

Dude.  You’re a douche.  Who really wears something like this?  And on a side note…give this guy a pat on the back…he knows how to charm his own snake.  Guess he doesn’t need a date.

BWAHAHAHAH!  This one was titled “Bad Planning BP”
Ok.  Admittedly, though in bad taste…I ❤ this one.  I think we should ALL wear this one!

This guy…yeah, never getting laid again.  Gross.

#1 – Natives everywhere roll over in their mounds when anyone wears this costume.
#2  WTH with the heels?
#3 Eat a God damn cheeseburger!

I don’t know about where you live, but my swat team ALWAYS dresses this way.  It’s super effective for deflecting bullets.  Who needs Kevlar when slugs just bounce off your fake jugs?!

Oh goodie!  Now clowns are scary AND skeezy!  Awesome!!

Oh no, Honey!!  Didn’t you see the other costumes!  You’re so going to get made fun of for not dressing like a cheap whore!

Dear costume company.  Thanks for ruining one of my favorite childhood characters.  The Sprites are thrilled…but somehow I doubt riding Starlite in that outfit will be very comfy.  Can we say major saddle sores!!  Also, what invisible item are you holding down?  Just curious.

I get that Halloween is about dressing up, having fun, being something you’re not…but I guess I’m getting old because to me these costumes are all about showing your slutty side or your stupidity and lack of taste.
Sad thing is, companies make a killing off these tiny pieces of fabric which means, someone out there is actually buying these things!!  Now, THAT’S the REALLY SCARY part of Halloween!!

Check it out…Saturday’s post…The Night Before Christmas, re-written by yours truly, just for Halloween!  


•October 29, 2010 • Leave a Comment
I think this made me pee my pants a little bit.  Good thing I own Oxyclean!!

Domestic Schmuck Heads

•October 28, 2010 • 3 Comments

So the time has finally come to help one of my dear ones get away from her psycho abusive squirmy pathetic INsignificant other.  *YAYYYYYY!*

Ya ever meet someone you dislike right off the bat?  Happens to me all the time.
Well this guy was one of those guys.  The creepo factor was high from the start, too old to be dating her…some history with his ex that just didn’t add up…and a general chills down the spine feeling.

I have no tolerance for abuse.  My feelings about abusive relationships are as harsh as my feelings about the fatties post and everything else I talk about on here.  There is very little gray in my world.  That is not to say that women should be allowed to lose their minds and hit a guy knowing he won’t hit her back…ladies-control yourselves.  But for me it’s simple.  There is never an excuse for a man to beat a woman and there is never an excuse for a woman to stay with a man who beats her.  End of story.
Don’t give me that “I stayed for my kids” crap…your kids seeing you get beat and thinking it’s normal for husbands to treat wives that way is only breeding a new generation of abusers and abuse takers.  Your kids and you are better off in a battered women’s shelter than you are being hit.

So this tool bag that I speak of is such a super awesome guy that he actually had to be hit with a taser by the cops to stop his last round of abuse.  Yeah, that’s beyond a-hole of the year.  You’re a real big man aren’t you?  Beating up some chick younger and smaller than you.  Why don’t you go get drunk and piss your pants.  Or meet some people at a bar and lie to them, acting like you own a condo in an upscale gated community.  Waste-oid.

The fact is that on average; 4 million women each year are beaten by a husband/boyfriend/fiance or what the cops call an “intimate” … someone they live with.
Women are 8 times more likely to be abused by a live in partner than men are (which is good because if you’re a guy and your old lady is beating you up, that makes me gigglesnort.  Grow a set.).

What scares the hell out of me, for my friend, is that between 1976 and 1996 31,260 women were killed by their live in partners and more than half of those cases had prior abuse.  If this guy had to be tased to get him off her?  That’s a bad situation.
In 1994, when the US Dept of Justice did their big report on domestic violence, they stated that during that year 39% of all emergency hospital visits for violence related injuries were women and 84% of those were injuries sustained at the hands of their significant other.

So knowing all that, and knowing this has been an ongoing issue with this douche bag, I’m super stoked to be heading out to gather her and her belongings into my loving and protective arms and bring her to a safe place.

Again…3 cheers for her coming to her senses.
It’s funny, this is the girl that’s never wrong.  She always knows what’s best, always has the perfect answer etc…and she cried and apologized to me on the phone the other day, saying she should have listened to me and gotten out sooner and that I was right about him.  Duh!  But hindsight is 20/20 and better late now than in a pine box way way too late.

A real man can handle his problems with his lady in a civilized manner.  The ‘Rule of Thumb’ does not apply here. (For those not familiar with that term…it is said that the term came from an old English law that allowed a man to beat his wife with a stick so long as it was no wider than his thumb…and no, I didn’t just get that info from Boondock Saints II…look it up…it’s fo-ree-ul, yo!)

Raising a hand to a girl?  Come the hell on!  Anyone who takes their lack of self control out on someone weaker than them is a pussy and a coward.  I always used to say I wanted to start up a company, get a bunch of women, train them in MMA, and then when some broad got beat up by her hubby…we’d send out a bunch of girls to kick his ass.  How’s that feel?  The ultimate insult to a wife beater would have to be being beat up by a girl.

People who use fear to rule…be it an abusive husband, a mother who backhands her kids, or a bomber on a plane…are all the same.  Terrorists.  Spineless wimps.  Crybaby thugs.  Namby Pamby, yellow belly, lily liver, chicken shit, pansies (yes I DID use  (and don’t even get me started on child abusers)  They rule out of fear because they fear everything themselves.  They think that abuse  is the only way to control others.  You think you’re tough cuz you can leave bruises?  You think you’re a big man because your old lady is scared of you?   You think you you’ve got respect?  You ain’t got shit except an ugly mug shot and a wrap sheet that will follow you for life.

The truck is fueled up and the trailer is hitched on.  The lights all work and I’ve got some new cd’s burned featuring Miranda Lambert’s “Gunpowder & Lead” and the Dixie Chix “Goodbye Earl”, that’s right!  I’ve done my stretches, spent time with my bag.  I have the local PD in my cell phone on speed dial, a big ass can of mace, some pointy toed nut-bustin’ boots on and a trusty Bic that fits beautifully in my fist to give my right hook a little something extra if he thinks he’s stepping up to THIS female.  I’ll be happy to show him the receiving end of a beating.

Domestic violence is no joke.

If you or someone you know is being abused, do something about it.  Don’t sit around, because if you ignore the problem then you might as well be hitting them yourself.

LOVE is not the back of a hand or a set of knuckles!

If he hits you, he doesn’t love you.  He doesn’t respect you.  He doesn’t care about you.  And chances are, he has some serious psychological issues that he needs to get for.  Put on your big girl panties and start a new life.  You can start by calling one of these places:

National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
TTY 1-800-787-3224 (they help find shelters)

Your local cops!

If you think you’re being monitored online, be smart.  Get help.  If the abuse is real, don’t be silenced!

*wink, wink*