A tisket a tasket…

What’s up bloggy world?!?  HAPPY FRIDAY!!!
Thank heavens for last weekend and all the inspiration it gave me for writing.  Today is no exception to that!  I came across some old nursery rhyme books.  Now, we all read them as kids, we all read them to our children now, but how many of us have actually stopped…paid attention to the words…and thought about them?  Cuz I did…and I think part of my brain melted!  Some of these are seriously disturbing!  Ready??  OK!!!
The 3 Little Kittens
Three little kittens, they lost their mittens,
And they began to cry,
Oh, mother dear, we sadly fear
That we have lost our mittens.
What! Lost your mittens, you naughty kittens!
Then you shall have no pie.
Mee-ow, mee-ow, mee-ow, mee-ow.
You shall have no pie.

The three little kittens, they found their mittens,
And they began to cry,
Oh, mother dear, see here, see here,
Our mittens we have found.
Put on your mittens, you silly kittens,
And you shall have some pie.
Purr-r, purr-r, purr-r,
Oh, let us have some pie.

The three little kittens, put on their mittens,
And soon ate up the pie;
Oh, mother dear, we greatly fear
That we have soiled our mittens
What! Soiled your mittens, you naughty kittens!
Then they began to sigh,
Mee-ow, mee-ow, mee-ow, mee-ow.
They began to sigh.

The three little kittens, they washed their mittens,
And hung them out to dry;
Oh! mother dear, do you not hear
That we have washed our mittens?
What! Washed your mittens, then you’re such good kittens.
But I smell a rat close by
Mee-ow, mee-ow, mee-ow, mee-ow.
We smell a rat close by.

For starters, Mama cat needs some freakin Prozac!  She’s up, she’s down, she’s back up…my God!  Those poor kittens must be completely confused all the time!
I would like to know, what makes Mama cat think it’s ok to not feed her kids just because they misplaced mittens.  I would assume that they have a general idea of where they lost them…school, around the house, at a friend’s house…etc.  I don’t think refusal to feed them was completely necessary-perhaps start off with trying to locate said mittens.
Then they find them.  GOOD KITTIES!  But they eat with them on.  Stupid kitties!  And mom gets mad and whoops their asses!!!  Wait wait wait!  Where was mom when her children were eating dinner unsupervised with mittens on?!?  Who’s to blame here?  Young stupid kittens or a neglectful mom who was probably up in her room on Myspace bashing her ex-Tom or purging while her children were alone?  She’s just lucky none of them choked on pie while they were unsupervised!!
Then she makes them wash their own mittens…really?  You make your kids to the laundry themselves too?  Now she’s on an up swing again…but after a mouse which means she will likely ignore her kids again while chasing the mouse.  What a horrible display of bad single mother parenting!

It’s raining, it’s pouring;
The old man is snoring.
Bumped his head
And he went to bed
And he couldn’t get up in the morning.

DUDE!  He hit his head!  He can’t get up!  Someone call 911!!!  Isn’t it obvious the old man has a serious concussion???  My God, does no one care about him?  Where is his family?  His neighbors?  This poor man needs medical attention!  Here is the 2nd verse (according to me):

Flashers and siren
Stop the old man from dyin
Call 911
So his life ain’t done
Let’s get them Blue Angels up flyin’
Lady Bug Lady Bug
Fly away home
Your house is on fire
Your children all gone
All except one, and that’s little Ann
She has crept under the frying pan.

WTF???  That’s HORRIBLE!  Hey…bug…your kids all died in a fire while you were…again…out neglecting to care for them.  One of them is trapped under a frying pan.  Good luck getting there in time to save her.  And again, here is verse 2 (me style):

Lady bug lady bug
No smoke alarm?
Has no one taught you
about fire’s harm?
Extinguisher, sprinkler something to save
your home and your children and your husband, Dave.
The north wind doth blow, and we shall have snow
and what will poor robin do then, poor thing?
He’ll sit in the barn and keep him self warn
and hide his head under his wing, poor thing,

Well apparently Robin was sick on migration day in school.  If he’s too stupid for instinct to kick in, it’s likely he won’t survive the winter and you will find his dehydrated carcass next spring.  Fair warning parents…perhaps you should clean out the barn before allowing the children to go play out there.

This one is my personal favorite!

I always loved the picture:

Little Polly Flinders
Sat among the cinders 
Warming her pretty little toes.
Her mother came and caught her
And whipped her little daughter, 
For spoiling her nice new clothes.

Again.  Where was mom while Polly was crawling into the FREAKIN FIRE PLACE!!!???  Holy shit, they’re lucky there was no fire in there!  What sort of nursery rhyme would that have been?  I won’t even go there…too morbid.
Mrs Mama Flinders
Found Polly in the cinders
and realized she was a sucky mom
She drank a bottle of cheap wine
and said, “My daughter is just fine”
and showed the world that she is really dumb.

YOUR SON IS A DRUNK!  Who the hell else sleeps with half his clothes on and half his clothes off.  BOOZER!

Last but not least, is the story of Goldilocks and the 3 bears.  What a ridiculous sting of bad turning worse!

Essentially, Goldie gets lost in the woods, knocks on a door of a house but no one is home so she goes inside, eats their food, breaks their furniture, and sleeps in their beds. 
When the home owners get back they find their place trashed, food eaten, door wide open and some strange girl passed out in their son’s bed!
So, let me make sure I’ve got this straight…
She commits felony breaking and entering, what I assume is misdemeanor destruction of property, theft (skipping a bill at a restaurant is theft, so I’m counting breaking in and eating someone else’s food as theft too), and then crashes in their house?  Yeah…awesome role model for our kids!
Where were Goldie’s parents when she wandered away from home and into the woods.  Why were the police not notified, an Amber Alert initiated and search parties sent out to find her?  I’m sensing a pattern here…parents neglect kids, kids do something that otherwise would be considered bad, parents blame kids instead of themselves, and this is supposed to teach the readers’ children a lesson.  
Oh, let us not forget that the home owners are flesh eating carnivores.  
Goldie freaks out and runs away (the only smart move she makes the entire story).

Baby Bear cried, because Baby Bear is a crier. (5 CDG bucks to whoever knows that movie reference)

I don’t know whether the bigger issue is that Goldie obviously has a warped sense of body image and didn’t realize that she’s too fat for the chair, or the blatant destruction of property occurring that she seems completely unconcerned with.  Does she intend to pay for this damage?  
Isn’t it important for our children to learn to take responsibility for their actions?  Run away!  They’re bears!  They’ll never find you!  Why bother paying for the furniture you destroyed…stupid bears!
Seriously baby bear…perhaps some counseling and work on your self esteem will help you with your need to cry all the time.  You’re too young to be that hormonal.

Here’s the part of the story they DON’T tell you.  Fast forward 12 years…
Since Goldie ran away from the Bears’ house and was never held accountable for her actions, she never learned about breaking the law or how the court system works.
She joined a gang and is a crew runner now.  She has a rap-sheet longer than the stick Mrs. Flinders uses to whip Polly which includes; grand theft auto, racketeering, gang involvement, drive by shootings (she had a falling out with Hansel and Gretel), and dog fighting because after her run in with bears that caused her great post traumatic stress, she has an inane hatred of all animals.  Had Polly’s mom gotten her therapy and taught her that her juvenile indiscretions with the law were wrong, she may have avoided a life of poverty, violence, and running from the police.

In all seriousness, looking back at old nursery rhymes is a huge reminder of how different the world is today…back when we were kids, teaching them that being bad meant a whoopin’ was just how it was done.  Now, smacking butts can get ya the lock up for abuse.  I’m amazed at the things that were read to us as kids but more so amazed at how the world’s view on acceptable behavior and punishment has changed.  Either way, I love these old nursery rhymes.  What a riot!  Anyone got anymore???


~ by Not Yer Bitch on November 12, 2010.

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